Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Excuse My Rant

How does a mother look her child in the eye, knowing that she is imperfect, suffering in her own skin? I am having a really hard time doing it. For the past 5.5 years I have been searching for help. I have always known that something was just not right...not perfect...not normal. Haha...Is anyone really normal? I look at my friends, family, neighbors...everyone has their issues. No one is living a perfect life.

But lately, all I can think about is...Why? Why, when I have tried to lead a good life, volunteering for charities, devoting my life to improving children's education, degrees in education, pyschology, leadership. Why was my child born with something mis-wired in her brain or a bad chromosome or some genetic crap? Why does she have to suffer? I can't imagine how difficult it is to be her. I know how difficult it is to deal with live with tolerate her. If I could wish it all away, I would and I do on a daily basis. Prayers haven't worked. Tears haven't worked. Wishing hasn't worked. Therapy hasn't worked. Apparently, we are at the last resort. We have reached the end of the line. We have to take that final leap. I don't think I'm ready. I keep picking up the phone and hanging it up before someone on the other end answers. I don't want to hold a prescription in my hand for a five year old child. If she had cancer would I deny her medication? If she were dying would I not help her? Of course not. So, why is this decision such a difficult one?

If you are reading this, you probably know what is happening, but I ask you to say just one more prayer for me and for my daughter. Today, we desperately need it.
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Fun amidst the difficulties

Our family has been going through some difficult times lately...selling two houses (my grandfather's and my father-in-law's), tough economic issues and some unanswered questions about my daughter's recent diagnosis. It's hard to carry on a normal life when all of these heavy issues are weighing on our minds, but having a strong extended family is always a plus!

Amidst these difficult times, we have been able to celebrate some dad's 62nd birthday. Dad is about to undergo some major medical procedures, including some corneal transplants. So, it was nice to get together and wish him a happy birthday.
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Wednesday, March 3, 2010

I am so blessed

The title of this post says it all. I have a great job. It allows me to do what I love most (teach) while being with my kids...a LOT! The past few weeks I have been working one day a week. Most weeks I work two days, but business is slow right now because schools are busy preparing for and taking the ISAT. So, I've been with Zoey pretty much 24/7 for the past few days, and have had a lot of free time while she naps. We did have one day where she decided NOT to take a nap. I think it's because she has a little head cold and she's teething like crazy. Needless to say, I've been doing a lot of scrapping.

It makes me happy because I am catching up on a lot of pics that need to get into the kids' albums. I hope when the three of them are older, they will look back at these pages and appreciate the love and dedication that went into their creation.

So, without further ado, here is what I've been working on this week...


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